


what the living do

by the_hemlocked



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Homeworld is Horrible, Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse, Spoilers for Episode: s05e18 A Single Pale Rose, Spoilers for Episode: s05e25 Legs From Here To Homeworld
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 17:30:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16330472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_hemlocked/pseuds/the_hemlocked
Summary: When the child argues for her, he puts his hands parallel to the ground, holds them out as if to shield her from the gaze of the other gems.Something in her howls and shrieks and sobs, because she knows him. Past all the white, the fog and pain that occupies every inch of her gem, there is a part of her that sees him and thinks, there you are.





	what the living do


    But there are moments, walking, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the window glass,
    say, the window of the corner video store, and I’m gripped by a cherishing so deep
     
    for my own blowing hair, chapped face, and unbuttoned coat that I’m speechless:
    I am living. I remember you.  
    
      
    
    -[marie howe](https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/what-living-do)

* * *

When the child argues for her, he puts his hands parallel to the ground, holds them out as if to shield her from the gaze of the other gems. He plants his small body between her and them, and it would be comical — the way he thought he could protect her — had he not been the downfall of her Diamond. Someone so fragile and soft and human had faced a Diamond and come out victorious. And here he is, turning those same dark eyes to the gems he had come here with.

“You can’t,” he says. “She didn’t have anything to do with it!”

“We _know_ that,” says the pearl. “But, Steven, you don’t understand how White Diamond works, how she gets into — _controls_ her gems. That pearl is dangerous in a way you can’t comprehend.”

“She’ll be safer in a bubble,” the fusion says.

The child shakes his head and stands tall, and something in her hurls against the constraint of her mind, her own body. Something in her howls and shrieks and sobs, because she _knows_ him. Past all the white, the fog and pain that occupies every inch of her gem, there is a part of her that sees him and thinks, _there you are._

The pearl that’s standing across from her is pale and multi-colored. They’ve met before, she knows, in the same intuitive way she knows that the child in front of her is of a stubborn make. This pearl looks at her and frowns, a tenderness in her face that can’t be found in the others. This is understanding that can only be found between pearls. No one else could ever understand the way they’ve hurt.

“Steven,” says the pearl, “I know you don’t want to, but right now, we have to think about how to move forward from here. Until we can figure out exactly what White Diamond did to her, we need to put her away, somewhere safe, where she won’t be hurt.”

Tears well to the child’s eyes. “It’s not fair. You can’t just _put her away,_ Pearl — you know how wrong that is! She needs our help now, and we can’t just leave her in bubble.”

“We’re not saying leave her forever, dude,” says the other one. She’s shorter than a quartz should be, but she is unmistakably an amethyst. “Just, for a bit. Until we know what we’re doing next.”

“She doesn’t even know what’s happening,” he whines. He hesitantly turns toward her, still holding his arms out, but now facing her instead of the gems that have followed him here. For the first time, he looks directly at her.

She’s breathless. This being, this tiny being with soft curls and big eyes and a round face — he says, “I know you’re probably scared right now, but I’m going to help you. We met before, if you remember that?”

She does, dimly. But before White Diamond had conceded, moments spilled into one another, and she was neither here nor there, always somewhere in-between. She remembers seeing him, but not much else. It was just another second of an existence that had lasted too long. She had long since realized it was easier to float with the spills, rather than fight against the waves that kept her moving, kept her working, kept her obedient.

“My name is Steven Universe,” he says, then pauses. “Er. I’m also kind of…” He lifts his shirt and a flash of pink glints across her vision. “My mom was Pink Diamond. And I’m not going to hurt you.”

 _Oh,_ she thinks. She had been sent to retrieve him, but before it hadn’t quite meant anything. Another name, another color — what did it matter when White Diamond was waiting for her return, for her quick servitude? She didn’t have time, earlier, to know what this all meant.

 _Oh,_ she thinks, even though she’s not sure what a ‘mom’ is, and she’s not sure what’s going to happen to her, and she’s not sure why this small creature in front of her doesn’t seem to recognize her back.

The part of her that has been steadily beating a headache into her line of sight, the part of her that _hurts_ from the inside out — it wavers, briefly. It, too, thinks in a small voice, _oh._

For one blissful moment, there is quiet.

And then it all comes flooding back.

“Are you okay?” Pink asks. “Can you understand me?”

 _“Steven—”_ one of the other gems hisses, and it’s enough to startle her, distract her from what miracles are happening in front of her now. The fusion’s hands are pulled into gauntlets, and the pearl and the amethyst look wary.

Pink doesn’t pay them any attention. He simply looks into her eyes. “It’s okay. I promise I’m not going to let them hurt you.”

“She can’t speak,” the pearl says. “She’s been serving White Diamond for thousands of years. This will be a mercy. Please. Please let us help her.”

“Just let me try this first,” says her Diamond, craning his next to look at the pearl. _“Please.”_

The other pearl hesitates. “She can’t possibly understand what’s happening right now, Steven. Those cracks — that kind of damage is from _thousands_ of years of abuse. I’m surprised her gem hasn’t shattered from exhaustion. _Trust me,_ I know what I’m talking about. Being White Diamond’s pearl is… It’s a lot. She probably doesn’t have the capability to follow what we’re talking about, even. You have to let her rest.”

Pink — Steven — sighs. His eyes drop, and his chin wavers. It is a look she has seen before, whenever her Diamond would return from conferences with her court, or whenever Blue and Yellow left her to be defenceless against the true matriarch of Homeworld, or whenever she would be banished to her room for eons upon eons. _You can come out when you learn,_ White had said. _These silly games have to got stop, Starlight. You’re a Diamond._

This is a look that means a hushed sorrow. No temper-tantrums or great wails — not now. This was a melancholy so deep that it had to be felt alone, and the tears in the boy’s eyes finally pour down.

And Pearl moves the way she always has, when Pink cried. She lifts her gloved hand and gently, so gently, moves to swipe under her charge’s eye, carry the tears away. This is muscle memory.

“Don’t cry,” she says.

The other gems in the room take a step back, sharp inhales echoing through the chambers — a habit they must have picked up on Earth. But Pink stays still. The light of the room reflects in his eyes like stars.

Unfortunately, she’s gone wrong somewhere, because the tears come faster now, freer. Before she can make any move, his arms wrap around her waist and he holds on. A broken, wretched noise is torn from her throat. That wild thing inside her is finally at the surface and it claws its way into her good eye, as tears begin to seep from her as well.

In the beginning, she had wished beyond belief for this moment, for Pink to come back and rescue her and see that she was still _there_ , behind the white and the fog and the pain. And hopeful longing turned desperate turned absent. Pink had never came back. She had never had the chance.

Pearl cries, too, and speaks unbidden. “You’re here,” she whispers. “You’re here. _You’re here.”_

The child squeezes. “I’m not going to let anyone hurt you again,” he says into her stomach.

 _Funny,_ she thinks. She was going to say the same thing to him.


End file.
